Thursday, September 6, 2007

Jason goes to Burning Man

Whatever you want to call it--the world's shittiest gated community, the Black Rock City crappy poetry convention, theater in a crowded fire, or (my favorite) fire retarded. Anyway, I survived, I'm back, and will be watching movies soon (still have a balcony full of dusty crap to clean and store for next year).

So apparently the premature burn made quite a lot of news in the outside world. Oddly, outsiders often know more about it than I do, because I mostly heard weird playa rumors (my favorite--by the end of the week he'd posted bail, was back in camp, and signing autographs. I have no idea if it's true. And, for the record, if it were true I'd rather punch him in the face than get his autograph). But it got me thinking, people have been talking about burning the Man early for at least ten years--this guy just attempted (and failed) to do something that's been sort of a cliche. He's not original or creative. So here are my thoughts of things to do to fuck up Burning Man that are more creative than just burning the Man on Monday night:
  1. Burn down the porta-potties on Monday night
  2. Knock the man off his fucking pedestal and stand him up on the ground (old school, like he used to).
  3. Create a playa art project of an exact life-size replica Man. Put it beyond the temple so people won't know which way is which. Burn it Saturday night, same time as the Man.
  4. Better yet, build 5 replica Men. Burn a different one each night, Mon-Fri.
  5. On Saturday night, when everyone's crowded around the Man, light the temple on fire (note, I thought of this time based on the premise that it would be the only time when the temple is unoccupied--no innocent bystanders put in danger).
  6. On Tuesday morning, at 8:46:30 am, crash a model airplane into the Man. Crash a second one at 9:02:59.

Okay, that's it. Anyone else have other ideas?


Dadmaniac said...

No other ideas...but I'm glad you made it back. Jason survives yet another year at Burning Man! BTW, since you don't hear much when you're at the festival, did you hear about the guy who hung himself there? People thought it was "performance art" until they realized two hours later that he was dead. Maybe Burning Man isn't a "pure" as it used to be.

puppymeat said...

I did hear about the suicide, but didn't hear that people thought it was art until I got back.

I also witnessed a guy falling off a 20 foot scissor-lift art car. Looked pretty bad, I suspect he survived but his face will be pretty smashed up for a while.

Burning Man really hasn't been pure in a long time. I remember a few years back when they made a big deal about the girl who got run over by an art car and died. They made a big deal about how that was the first death at Burning Man. Yeah, but I also know of several incidents where people sustained injuries at Burning Man and died in the hospital weeks later. So being declared dead while still on the playa is a pretty piddly distinction.

In any case, I stay safe by spending most of my time in camp drinking and heckling passersby.