CARNIVAL MAGIC (1981) by famed sleaze-merchant Al Adamson, making a kid's movie for some reason. Markov "the" Magnificent (yes, that's what his sign says) is a true magician working in a two-bit carnival. And although he has a super-smart chimp named Alex, he's reluctant to put him in the show. Until...he does, and becomes the biggest star. And incites the wrath of carnival's previous star attraction. So...wacky hijinx ensue, in what is sure to be the only "kid's movie" (I put this in quotes because I'm not sure anyone involved has ever seen a child) with the line, "vivisection is such a dirty word."
LOST IN THE DESERT (aka DIRKIE, 1969): Director Jamie Uys (THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY) tortures his son. No, seriously, his son stars as Dirkie, a little boy with a lung condition who survives an airplane crash on the way to his uncle's ranch. And so he and his dog survive (barely) the dangers of the Kalahari, while he endures the tortures of the damned. I'm assuming Dirkie is still in therapy to this day, to get over what his own father did to him to make this movie. Anyway, it's actually a pretty damn good movie, worth torturing your son for.
Total Running Time: 167 minutes
My Total Minutes: 373,844