Sunday, May 22, 2011


Unless I'm misremembering, the third POTC movie ended with Jack Sparrow "dead"...ish. That is, he had taken over Davy Jones' role as captain of the Flying Dutchman, ushering souls of the departed into the underworld. Or something like that. Anyway, ON STRANGER TIDES makes no effort to explain how he's no longer in that role. He's just...back in the land of the living. So I spent the first 5 minutes wondering why Jack Sparrow isn't dead...and the last two hours wishing I was.

In the closing credits, we learn the movie is "suggested by" the novel by Tim Powers, but apparently it was actually scripted by a mechanical plot-twist generating device. By far the worst plot twists are at the end, setting up the inevitable sequels.

You know, there was a time, early on in this series, that Geoffrey Rush as Barbossa could hold my full attention just by eating an apple and waxing poetic about his inability to taste anything. Now I don't give a damn when Ian McShane's Black Beard waves his hands and makes the rigging fly around capturing everyone. All flash, no character, even for the characters who used to have character.

Running Time: 137 minutes
My Total Minutes: 236,537


Erk Schmerk said...

You're misremembering. Legolas was the one who had his heart cut out.

This, from the guy who watches no movies.

Time for my victory gin.

puppymeat said...

Ah, yes, that is true. I thought Orlando Bloom put the knife in Johnny Depp's hand and stabbed Davy Jones' heart. You're right, it was the other way around.

In my defense, it's easier to remember when you only watch a few movies. I've seen a couple thousand or so movies since then.