Monday, September 12, 2011

Jason goes to Bad Movie Night and watches TITANIC II

Yes...they made a sequel to TITANIC? Well, not quite, it's The Asylum the creators of exploitative "mock-busters" like TRANSMORPHERS and SNAKES ON A TRAIN. And these aren't parodies, they're cheap rip-offs. Bad Movie Night is doing a whole month of these, and I'm not sure I can survive.

This is not really a sequel, and it's not about the Titanic. It's about Titanic II, a luxury liner built by a rich playboy to cruise across the Atlantic on the 100th anniversary of the original fated trip. Of course, nothing could go wrong. They throw in a bit of global warming mumbo jumbo explaining how a glacier in Greenland just calved a 'berg (why do the Jews get blamed for everything?) the size of Manhattan--and could possible break off one the size of Rhode Island (judging by the scale, of the fake CGI hole they look at, Manhattan is about 50 yards long in this universe). Their brilliant twist, though, is to tell the story from the iceberg's point of view. Or rather, it would have been brilliant, the iceberg had more personality than anyone in the movie.

These jerks don't even do exploitation right. How the hell can you do a cheap, exploitative rip-off of a movie and have less nudity than the original?

Running Time: 90 minutes
My Total Minutes: 247,749

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