Saturday, December 14, 2013

Jason goes to Holehead--Day 11

Last Monday started with an Uwe Boll produced (but not directed) movie, ZOMBIE MASSACRE. Holehead actually has a long relationship with Boll, and I swear that some of his movies aren't bad. In fact, some are pretty good. And here he's just producing, not directing. Unfortunately, the movie is still crap, worse than your typical Boll-directed mess. A science accident turns all the people in a small Eastern European town into zombies. The town is fenced off, and the plan is to send a team of mercenaries--led by a former special ops soldier who is now serving life in jail--to blow up the nuclear power plant, make it look like an accident, and essentially wipe the town off the map before the zombies can spread. Nice premise, as for the execution...I'm all in favor of executing director Marco Ristori. Poor acting, worse pacing. Their reactions just make no sense. Case in point, after they plant the bomb, they have an hour to escape to the check point (where, of course, the evil Americans running this operation will kill them to keep the secret from getting out.) You would think they'd drive/run/get out of there as fast as possible. Instead they sit around and argue about their options. At one point, they get to an airport and are within sight of a helicopter, so instead of sprinting for it (remember, there are zombies chasing them as well as that bomb that's about to go off) they jog halfway and sort of fast-walk the rest. That says all you need to know about the overall laziness of this movie.

After that was CANNIBAL DINER. Sexy models in the woods. Hunted by crazed cannibals. And it sucked. Another fine premise, badly executed. I don't even have the energy to write this one up. It didn't even suck in an interesting enough way for me to care.

Total Running Time: 162 minutes
My Total Minutes: 345,757

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