Jason catches a sneak preview of THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN

Wow, what a mess. And, of course, it breaks Jason's rule of 3-D all over the place.

Okay, I'm going to assume everyone knows the character and has seen the previews. So you know there's a new secret revealed about how Peter Parker really became Spider-Man. No spoilers here, other than to say the new origin is kind of nonsenical, and is related to the creation of the villain--Dr. Connors/The Lizard.

In fact, I want to avoid spoilers entirely, but here are a few surprises you should be aware of:

1. It's surprisingly anti-Semitic. Seriously, that seemed to come out of nowhere.
2. I know in Sam Raimi's SPIDER-MAN, there was some minor controversy about organic vs. technological web-slingers. But they really didn't help matters here by having shoot webs out of his butt.
3. There are a lot of scenes where he's just strutting around in his Spidey suit, pointing to his crotch and shouting "Wooo!" Either that, or after I went out to take a leak I accidentally wandered into MAGIC MIKE. Come to think of it, his cavalier attitude towards lawbreakers was kind of suspicious.
4. At one point Dennis Leary breaks character and goes on a ten minute rant about comics who only have one shtick. Then Bobcat Goldthwait comes out of nowhere and drags him away.
5. That reference to the SCOTUS health care decision--very topical, that must have taken last-minute pickup shots. But I think it risks becoming dated very easily.
6. If you wait through the credits, there's a scene of Samuel L. Jackson forbidding him from ever joining the Avengers.
7. It's Gwyneth Paltrow's head in that box.
8. Spoiler Alert: It's all a dream.
9. There's an odd cameo with Iceman and the Human Torch who show up just to explain that they consider Spider-Man more of an acquaintance/former roommate than a true "friend."
10. It's actually just Sam Raimi's SPIDER-MAN, but with Andrew Garfield's face photoshopped over Tobey Maguire and Rhys Ifans over Willem Dafoe.

Yup, that's about it.

Running Time: 0 minutes, despite over an hour of waiting in line, because they gave out way more sneak preview passes to the AMC Mercado 20 than they had room for. So even though I showed up over an hour before, I still didn't get it. Seriously, screw the AMC Mercado and screw phony sneak preview passes.