Monday, March 22, 2010

Jason slips into the Vortex for some CANDY

So last Thursday, rather than head to the SFIAAFF SF Closing Night Party, I went to my favorite underground movie hangout and caught a truly bizarre and beautiful flick, CANDY.

I got there just a few minutes late, apparently I missed the outer space opening (anyone who has seen it, confirm?) Anyway, when I walked in Candy Christian (Ewa Aulin) was listening to Welsh poet MacPhisto (Richard Burton!), whom she then takes home, where he tries to rape her. Then their Mexican gardener Emmanuel (Ringo Starr! I can't make this shit up) tries to rape her, even though "Emmanuel is a good boy!" (truly, he's a credit to the Mexican race). Then her stodgy father and wild uncle (John Astin, in a dual role) barge in and rescue her. They escape on a near-perpetually airborne U.S. military troop transport under the command of Gen. R.A. Smight (Walter Matthau), who also tries to rape her. And then it gets weird. Marlon Brando shows up as some guru, I think he tries to rape her, too (by this point I was pretty drunk), and James Coburn plays a famous hotshot brain surgeon who operates on her father (oh yeah, he sustained a head injury back during the scuffle with Emmanuel) and then tries to bed her on her father's recovery bed. The only thing crazier than the plot is that they somehow got this cast. Wow.

Running Time: 115 minutes (and although I missed the beginning, I decided I deserve every last one of those minutes)
My Total Minutes: 178,373
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